It’s a full-time job that most of us do 24 hours a day and 7 days a week– to make other people love us. You may not realize what you are doing. But in fact, the charming personality, shining achievements, and amazing good look are mostly useless except that they serve one purpose– to make others love us.
To be loved is the most primal human desire. Yet if you reflect on your own life, you’d probably realize that what they sing in the pop songs is true– trying to make someone love you–if they haven’t come up with the idea themselves– is a most frustrating, heartbreaking, and often entirely futile quest. That’s why the wise ones say it simply can’t be done. You may force someone to be courteous to you or manipulate them into an infatuation for you. But to make true love happen out of thin air? No way.
That’s what they say. But in fact, love is everywhere. You and me are actually made of “condensed” love. It’s our very own constitution. It penetrates every fabric of reality and is more abundant than the air you breathe in. You don’t really need to make it happen, because it’s already there.
But that doesn’t mean you have an active connection with love. It certainly does not mean that you have the ability to take the love in and around you and apply it freely wherever it’s needed (most people would call that “magic”, just to show how rare this kind of skill is). Just to the opposite, most of us are so unacquainted with such “love alchemy”, that the only way we know how to get love is for it to come from someone else.
Fortunately, the love alchemy can be practiced and learned. And you can start by practicing it with that one person most intimate to you– yourself. Cultivate the relationship with yourself. Give it the essential nourishment needed in every good relationship– respect, honesty, trust, support, non-judgement, and unconditional love! For these are nothing but different ways love manifests itself in human relationships. And gradually you’ll learn that it’s possible to be in love, to have an abundance of love, without even referencing to another being.
And as if by magic, one day you discover that your relationship with everyone else in your life has changed for the better. You’re now so well adored by others even though you haven’t got a decent haircut in ages. Because our relationships with others are ultimately only a reflection of our relationship with ourselves– as within, so without.
But don’t be surprised that this is actually quite an underwhelming change. Because as you are now having a love affair with love itself, you don’t care nearly as much about whether other people love you or not. Rather, you’re now perfectly happy to simply give out your love to everybody else…
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In this week’s BananaOnFire, I tell you my secret of how to make someone love you. I also talk about why I’m a big fan of my boobs. Ah yes, you read that right.
(Watch this video on YouTube)