So. You want to become your bigger self. You realized that to make your own unique, powerful impact in the world, you need to fearlessly embrace who you are.
Fine. But how do you go about this “be who you are” business really?
And why do so many of us struggle with it?
Here’s what I want to share with you:
To become your bigger self, stop holding on to your lesser dreams.
I’ll illustrate with a dining table that I had a hard time selling.
Recently, I felt called to let go of many things. A loving relationship. A well-paying job. Thousands of books I collected for years. And very soon, half of my furniture…
It’s one of those interesting seasons of death and rebirth in life, when we shed our old skin and step into the unknown.
More on the relationship and the job in future posts. But for today, check this out–
Amid this relentless shedding of the past, one thing I found really hard to let go of was a dining table.
It was a beautiful table for six. Mango wood top with matte finish. A piece of understated elegance. I saw the table in Crate & Barrel years ago and immediately fell in love.
As a child, I was like a little alien dropped into the human world. I felt lonely and misunderstood. I didn’t know how to do humanness. Simple things like holding a conversation or making new friends were harder than reciting Pi to 1,000 decimal places.
All I dreamed of was to be “a normal person”, to fit in, to be popular.
I was never successful at it. And not for lack of trying.
But that dining table gave me renewed hope for normality. Owing it, I felt I was instantly lifted to the rank of charming, tasteful dinner hostesses, a breed of magnificent creatures that my socially awkward inner child had never managed to become. (Great job, C & B marketing peeps!)
You see where this is going, right? Your’re so smart!
The table did help me to “live the dream”. I hosted many a dinner party for friends. My ex and I had our romantic dinners at that table, where I patted myself on the back for playing the part of a loving girlfriend, while nestling in the comforting notion that—thank baby Jesus and baby Krishna—I was (almost) no longer a weirdo!
Yet at the depth of my being there was a part that was mightily unimpressed, that yelled at me for “selling out” (what does that even mean?), that had a voice that grew louder by the day.
Do you have your own version of my dining table? You know, something that represents a dream you’ve outgrown from, but you’re still holding onto it for dear life.
It could be material things. That car. That house. That pair of 4-inch heels impossible to walk in. It could be intangible. That relationship. That job. That education.
It’s hard to let go of any dreams, even if you knew they were no longer yours. (And may I suggest…they were never yours to begin with.) For me? I bawled my eyes out while uploading the pictures of that dining table to Craigslist.
But after all that tears shed, I still sold the table.
Because my bigger self said, “I’m here. I’m taking over. Let go.”
You can’t become the bigger, truer version of you while holding onto your smaller, “more realistic” aspirations as some sort of fallback option. No more than you can dive with your hands still on the springboard.
It’s nerve-wracking to let go of the human identities that used to make your ego feel safe. But if you’re called to live a life of your highest purpose and ultimate freedom—I hate to break this to you–there’s hardly any other way.
And if like me, you’ve never been good at being human, let me share this secret with you:
You’re NOT a normal human and you never will be! No matter how hard you try to “improve yourself”. Forget it!
(How disappointing, I know. I’m sorry.)
…Because you’re something much bigger and much more powerful.
When you’re no longer bound by your human identities, you’re left to play in the vast open space of emptiness where the magic of creation happens.
You realize that your true nature is without limit or definition. And you’re right here at home in the Universe.
You realize that you don’t have to struggle so hard to create your destiny. Because the Universe’s power is your power. And the divine will is your will.